A Rockers World Gets Rocked

Hey gang...

Your ole bud Rufus here.

If i sound a bit down that's because i am. I'm afraid this is one cool hip rocker dad who has had his world rocked by his Lady Love.

I'm sure it's no surprise 2 anyone when i say i've had my share of babes. i mean come on, take one cool hip rocker dad , throw in a flair for gourmet cooking, a closetful of tight assorted color tees ,(with the occasional vest or denim shirt just to mix it up), add a write up in Rolling Stone, an assortment of knotted leather jewelry, and one great head of hair and then you tell me who's tappin' a lot of- well, let's just say i've known a lot of lucky ladies in the biblical sense. you kids may be a bit young for that reference, but when you say 'the bible' it means sex. sounds messed up i know, but i didn't write the rules. (I'm too busy writin rockin songs.)

well out of all the babes i've bagged, there was one very special classy lady. (oh, i mean 2. i would never forget the mother of my children. she was up there in the top 5. Or 10.)

anyhow this lady, i won't use her real name ( you'll understand why when you hear what she did to yours truly) so i'll just call her Pill.

Once upon a time Pill and i were young, crazy, and in love. i mean that kind of love that makes you do crazy things. crazy, crazy things. One time Pill and i went through a drive thru at a restaraunt called...Mack In The Box. We ordered a cheeseburger with everythiung on it. i mean everything...cheese, pickles, onions, ...everything. then after they took our order and told us to drive up to the next window...we just drove right on out. We never paid, never got the cheeseburger, we just left. We must have laughed all night long over that one. Those people at Mack In the Box never knew what hit them. like i said, we did some crazy stuff.

well, Pill ended up breaking things off. I never understood why. I figured Pill just couldn't handle the demands of life on the road. Let's face it, it's hard to see other women throwing themselves at your man night after night.

years went by and we both married , had kids, and divorced. then one beautiful day Pill wandered back in to my life. God how i'd missed her.

Believe it or not she broke things off again. you see Pill's daughter, Cerena, and my son, Tan, were falling in love. Pill went on to marry a rich old dude named Fart. Tan and Cerena broke up but they still remained friends (as did my daughter Lenny).

Then last week something spectacular happened.
Fart, (may he rest in peace) , died.

I know this must be really hard on his son Buck, because dad's are so very important, but for me it was great news.

so Pill and i were back on. (not immediately, i mean we're not completely insensitive jerks, we waited a full 24 hours)

Pill and i were once again crazy lovers without a care in the world.

Pill was understandably feeling a bit frisky after the stress of her husband's unexpected and tragic death. we decided the best thing was to run off for a lovers weekend. i mean cerena and her brother Feric could care less, Fart wasn't really their dad and Buck would be upset wether Pill was there or not so why should both of them suffer? Fart wouldn't have wanted that. If Fart truly loved Pill he would want her to go and have the best lovers getaway ever. It was actually downright disrespectful to Fart's memory not to go.

So wanting to honor Fart's wishes i put on a tight fitting seafoam green J.Crew ribbed turtleneck, buckled my guitar into it's travelin' case , and had just put a note on the table for Tan and Lenny, when there was a knock at my door.

I'm afraid this is where i must stop. i don't know if i can trust myself to write anymore lest i say something i may regret.

let me just finish by saying that Pill is not really Pill at all, she's Lillian Van Der Woodsen-Bass and she's a filthy ,lying, backstabbing, heartless skank. She has once again tore my heart out with her bare hand, threw it on the ground stomped it into a bloody pulp and walked away. Well listen up Liliian, this is one rocker dad who will not let you get away with this. the red blood of my heart is on your shoes and i won't let you just hose them off this time. I promise you that.

sorry gang, i forgot that this is supposed to be a safe haven for my young fans, a bummer free zone. just think of this as an important life lesson courtesy of one broken hearted but still extremely cool and hip rocker dad.

Until next time, hope you never have to face the pain that feels like you just won a set of backstage passes and then the band takes them back and ruthlessly stabs you in the heart, then shoves you down on the ground, leaving you to die outside the venue, cold and alone, sobbing uncontrolably in a pool of your own blood...

Rufus